Random Rants

Sometimes I just have to vent. No top ten lists here. Just a few quips about what keeps things lively in the Otey household. Most recent rants on top…

 

 

I have a realization. I finally understand why some women NEED to have breast implant surgery. I mean, one minute you are lying in your bed, resting on your side, your 3rd and 4th arms laying on the pillow beside you, when, out of the blue, one of your vision challenged offspring decides to sleep with you. They get as close to you as possible as if they could melt their bodies into yours, using their elbows to propel their 50 lbs into your personal space. But alas! That boney little elbow is not smashed against the mattress! It’s annihilating your 3rd arm! The button has practically popped off and has rolled under the bed. You are screaming for dear life while clutching your chest and remembering fonder memories of what you used them for. And all the while your child is staring at you, tears in their eyes, moaning about how you are yelling at them and hurting their feelings. Ah, yes, I totally understand….

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Yeah so AJ tricked me into discussing whether or not the 69ers were going to win the Super Bowl… teenboyhormonessuck.com!

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Isaiah is addicted to sugary food items so I have banned him from eating sweets. His solution? Asking me to make some sugar cookies for Martin Luther King’s birthday…

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Those 3 words…they make your heart skip a beat when you hear them. Your palms start to sweat and you nervously bite your lip in anticipation of what’s to come. Those 3 words…can change your entire mood in just a few seconds and, depending on who utters them, can pack a powerful punch. Those 3 words…have impacted the lives of many and I was no different. And when I heard those 3 words I turned and tried to run from it…but there was no where I could go. So I stayed…and faced my fear…of those 3 words…I’M TELLING MOM!!!

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Childhood innocence…I guess that’s the term I will use for Jace running through the house yelling “I’m ugly and I’m proud!” while his sister pretends she taught him that phrase for his own benefit…

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I was so proud when AJ quoted Leviticus tonight…until I found out that he learned the verse from watching an episode of Family Guy…

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Forgot I had laryngitis and tried to yell at Isaiah. I really think he only stopped misbehaving because of the shock of seeing his mother looking like an actress in a muted horror movie…

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Frustration: Riding in a mini van while AJ blares Billie Jean from his cell phone and Isaiah yells “The kid is not my son!” over and over…

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Welp, I finally got a bit of sleep! Been trying to do that all week. Special shout out to Jace for using the side of my face as a pillow and knocking me back to consciousness. Side note: Toddlers usually do not lay down gently on pillows. They flop their big rock heads down like a dead weight. That is all…

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Took the kids grocery shopping against my better judgement. Everything was going ok until Isaiah saw a fresh pineapple display and told Jace that was where Spongebob lived. Jace immediately began screaming for Spongebob who, of course, was nowhere to be found because HE ISN’T REAL!!! JEEZ!!! KIDS!!!

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Kids keep you young. That’s what I’ve heard. However, I didn’t feel young when my kids talked me into body boarding at the water park today. I mean, after flopping my behind down on that board, being flung about like a wet rag doll, black limbs flying all about, then landing on the side of the ride in a coma-like daze, with the lifeguard asking me over and over if I’m ok. I wanted to tell her HELL NO I’M NOT OK! But instead, I tucked my popped out body parts back in my swimsuit and stumbled off trying to remember my name. So yeah, if that experience defines being young, then I guess that old saying is correct…

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This time I blame myself. I should know by now when the hubby asks me to watch TV with him I am going to wind up watching some dude eat cow testicles and pig placenta. Yuck! This is so NOT a valid form of entertainment…

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Dear friends, family and neighbors. Thank you all so much for your complements on how lovely my husband keeps our yard. Unfortunately, I got a hold of our water bill and, after I was able to spin my head back around on my neck, I have boycotted any more watering of the grass. We are having Arizona weather and I do not think they have grass down there at all. Therefore, it will be death to the Otey family yard. A memorial service will be held for my husband’s feelings at a later date…

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Nothing sets off Mexican fiesta night like a whole pile of chopped cabbage on your taco! Special shout out to Jacqueline Otey for her dedication, her perseverance and her utter confusion about the difference between cabbage and lettuce…

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I just put my son out of the van for farting. I’m sick of smelling his behind. I don’t understand why boys thinks that crap is funny. And between 3 sons and a husband, it’s like living in a stankin symphony orchestra. Disgusting!

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For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take my kids strawberry picking. Who doesn’t love strawberries, right? Well, after about 30 min of being bent over in the heat, picking berries, back hurting, and sweating, all I could think of was if this was 1854, I’d be missing a foot by now…

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Every time Isaiah asks to help me with dinner, my stress level goes through the roof. Tonight he stuck his tongue in the jar of pasta sauce I was about to use on the food. Then when I gave him the “easy” job of washing the salad ingredients, I caught him banging my cucumber against the counter. Why? So he could open it of course!

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AJ participated in a mock trial at his school. He was a lawyer. A lawyer who bribed the “judge” with a dollar to let his client get off with just probation and one day of community service. He now wants to be a lawyer and go into politics. :-(

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I just found out that my husband’s version of letting the kids play in the sprinkler is to let them slide down the slide with the water running on it. Apparently our 2 year old was shooting off the end of the slide like a bullet and landing several feet away. Boys!

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Someone in my household is so helpful! They saw the packs of chicken that I left out to thaw for dinner tonight and they put them back in the freezer for me… #cooking a frozen pizza#

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Took the kids to a Mexican restaurant. What did Jacqueline order? Why an egg roll of course!

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Jacqueline is always doing fun projects with her little brother. Unfortunately, this time she decided to paint eggs with him with finger paint and UNBOILED eggs from the fridge…

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I just watched Jace attack my TV, yelling at and hitting the screen. Apparently he is mad at Squidward for being mean to Spongebob…

 

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