Kid Quotes

Kids Say The Darndest Things? I know mine do! Check out these quotes and mini-conversations featuring the Otey children (newer ones at the top of the page)…




Jace: No Mommy! I don’t WANT you to wipe my face with a hot towel! Nooooooooo!!! See now my head is going to die!



Me: Isaiah, stop crying. You can write the tooth fairy a letter and explain to her what happened. I’m sure she will understand.

Isaiah (looking at me like I”m crazy): Mom, there’s no such thing as the tooth fairy.

Me: So what in the world are you crying for???!!!

Isaiah: Cause I want you to give me some money for my tooth!

Me: Oh. (duh) Ok, so how much do you want?

Isaiah: 5 dollars

Me: (hands him a $5 bill)

Isaiah: Mom, this isn’t 5 dollars, it’s 1 dollar with a number 5 on it!



Jacqueline: Mom, why is Jace naked and spinning around in a chair?


Me: Jacqueline,  GO…TO…BED!
Jacqueline: See this is so unfair! If I were Barack Obama would you tell me to go to bed?
Me: YES!


AJ: Mom, I think I want to be a pilot now. I looked up how much they make and I think I’ll be in the top tax bracket. You know what that means…I won’t have to pay taxes! And I’m NOT showing anybody my tax returns…


Jac: OK Mom, I got the cornbread in the pan.

Me: Good job! Did you remember to spray the pan first so the cornbread won’t stick?

Jac: No. But I can spray the cornbread and mix it together. Will that help?

Me: o_O


Me: AJ I need for you to get up and clean up something around here!

AJ: Ok mom, I’m going to go clean up my act…


AJ: OK mom, I’m going to play my game. If you want anything, please hesitate to ask…


John: I don’t understand why this girl can’t just answer my question. Jacqueline, I don’t want a long explanation, I just need your opinion!

Jacqueline: But Daddy I keep trying to tell you I don’t HAVE an opinion! An opinion is based on made up information. I have facts to back up what I’m saying. You are not using the right vocabulary for me to take part in this conversation.



Me: What did she call you?

Isaiah: Obnoxious!


Me: Jacqueline come in here and help me get this room cleaned up.

Jacqueline: Really Mom? On a Sunday? Isn’t it the Sabbath day? I don’t think I should work, it’s against my religion.

Me: Girl you better get your butt in here and help me clean this room! :-/


Me: So who knows the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter?

AJ and Jac: We celebrate because Jesus died for us and then he rose again. His sacrifice saved us.

Isaiah: Wait a minute, I thought Martin Luther King did that!

Me/AJ/Jac: WHAT???

Isaiah: Oh, so yall gonna act like yall don’t know who Martin Luther King is? I know yall know!


Me: See this is why I didn’t want you guys coming to the store with me. I KNEW you were going to ask for all this stuff. I want my money back when we get home.

AJ: Wow Mom, making us poor folks pay for our own stuff. You ARE  a republican!


Me: So it’s Mommy’s birthday this week…who knows how old I will be?

Jacqueline: Even older?

Isaiah: 201?

Yeah, I set myself up for that one…



Me: Isaiah, Mommy has a penny in her purse for you ok?

Isaiah: Yay! Can you take me out to eat with my penny Mommy?


AJ: Mom, what’s a condom?

Me: (sigh) AJ, I think I’m gonna let your dad answer that one.

AJ: Why?

Me: I just don’t want him to think I’m hogging all the good parenting conversations.

AJ: Oh. Mom, you are so considerate.

Me: I know!


Me: Hey AJ, what happened to your tooth that fell out the other day?

AJ: Uh, mom, it’s been under my pillow for a week.

Me: Oh! Uh, well…you know it must be the economy…


Me: Jacqueline, why are you wearing socks with a big hole in it when I just brought you a pack of new socks?

Jac: I didn’t want to mess up my new socks. That’s why I put this tape on my toe so you wouldn’t notice!


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